Packing Again

I have moved via my Mini Cooper on:

December 31, 2008.
April 24, 2009.
January 2, 2010.
May 6, 2010.
August 19, 2010.
August 24, 2010.
January 8, 2011.
May 9, 2011.
May 19, 2011 (TODAY).

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I AM SO TIRED OF PACKING.
I AM SO TIRED OF MOVING.
I AM SO EXHAUSTED OF ALL THE SHIT I OWN.

I need to stop moving. I need to stop moving. I need to stop moving.

My doctor suggested an interesting concept when I visited her office Tuesday afternoon. I was flushed and trembling, gripping a trash can to vomit into, miserable and dizzy. “Maybe you’re what is making you so sick, Heather.” She said, “Any normal person would go mad with the amount of travel and large moves you do.”

No, no, no. Dear Dr. Harms, don’t you understand? Can’t you see that without the rush of travel and the euphoria of a move I’d go insane? Don’t you feel that the illness that was plaguing me Tuesday was only due to the delay of that which is today — the glee of the approach of when I am finally able to set free?

Actually. No. I kinda secretly agree with my doctor. I am slightly TOTALLY over transit-zone. I wish that I was staying in Colorado Springs indefinitely, rather than just the summer, that I was attending CC as an actual student, not as a “visiting undergraduate.” (On that note, I was being a stalker and looking at the other “visiting” students on Facebook via their emails through a big master info-email and I officially feel like the buffoon of the summer as everyone else is visiting from prestigious epic universities, but me? Me? Where am I visiting from? Saddleback Community College. College of the Redwoods. Pikes Peak. Berkeley City College. All community schools. I haven’t taken the SAT or ACT and I have only fifteen something credits to my name. I want to shrink shrink shrink away in my inferiority. Shit. I NEED TO STOP THINKING BECAUSE I AM MAKING MYSELF ILL ALL OVER AGAIN.)

I wish my car would pack itself.

But you know, this annoyance and fear and apprehenson is so incredibly worth it. I can’t explain it, but this feels right — this summer, attending CC, living on campus (which was a last minute plan-change), my class choices. Packing my car up this time around feels more right, more real, more inspiring, than any of the other eight times I’ve done it in the last three years.

I am incredibly thrilled for this summer’s offerings.

That said, I really SHOULD start packing — I leave in the morning.